I have just overcome another very intense suicidal phase in my life. And I am telling you this: by hindsight it feels like one of the greatest blessings of my entire life so far.
Yes, when you’re in the midst of a suicidal crisis and every window seems to call you to escape from everything, it’s not funny at all. It is indeed frightening and painful and scary: All hope is gone, all sense has vanished from your life and existence. And suicide seems to be the logical consequence. Put an end to it. Now. And it takes a whole lot of courage and strenght and tears and anger to face this fear and hopelessness, helplessness, senselessness and to get up every moring affirming: I WANT TO LIVE! I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE! NO MATTER HOW SENSELESS THIS ALL MIGHT SEEM OR EVEN BE, SO BE IT, BECAUSE I W I L L L I V E!
It took me from February until September.
But here I am.
Fullfilled with hope, purpose and bliss. And stronger than I have ever been.
I made it.
And this crises does even make sense to me: It’s like I have been breaking free from a shell, that has been confortable for so many years, but eventually has become too tight. And I had to break it open and
to leave it and all my past behind. And it hurt. Damn, did it hurt! But it gave me the chance to grow. To rise from the ashes of my past and to be reborn into a much bigger and more beautiful me.
In the end it has been a real enlightenment, leading me to exactly knowing who I am, who I want to be, what my purpose is and to be the strongest me I have ever been. Yes, Suicide is about death. And yes, something died: The fear of living my purpose. And guess what survived: Me. :) And I am telling you one more thing: I am greatful for this experience! And greatful to God for leading me through it, without ever leaving my side.
I made it. And so can you!
Be stronger than your fears, which is pretty simple as fear lives on our doubts. Feed your hope instead of your fear! Feed your hope with smiles: Make sure to smile at least three times a day. I am convinced
that there is a lot surrounding you, that would make you happy, if you’d allow it to. Start with three smiles a day and increase your smiles gradually. Smile your fear away.
I am Human. I experienced fear. But I am strong.
You are Human. You experience fear. But you are strong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR FEARS.
AND YOU WANT TO LIVE!
- Meyfalénte Mey